Month: April 2015

Posted on in aging, AliceBarker, dance

Alice Barker sees herself dance and makes me cry.

Distractify posted a story about 102 year old Alice Barker, a dancer during the Harlem Renaissance of the 1930’s and 1940’s, who saw herself dancing for the first time. The films show a beautiful, strong, vibrant young black woman dancing with a big smile on her face. Alice today is a frail, tiny woman who lives in a nursing home and is shown in bed. But her smile is the same.

While watching the video of Alice watching herself dance, I thought of the years and the life that happened between then and now. There she is at 20, so thrilled to dance she seems to fly. And here is is today. Alice’s body can’t dance anymore, but Alice’s hands can.

I cried.

Here is the link to this beautiful story.

http://distractify.com/Deborah-Gross/dont-mean-a-thing-if-it-aint-got-that-swing/

Posted on in writing

How do I start writing a memoir?

Recently I was asked if I had any pointers for starting a memoir. As a matter of fact I do. 

First, you need to know what your book is about. I’m not being snarky. It is vitally important that you know from page one what your book’s purpose is. The book shouldn’t just be about you. Your story needs to resonate with total strangers. Your story is about something bigger than you; you are simply the catalyst for the story. 

Think of your favorite memoirs. Why are they a favorite? Could you understand the writer’s struggle? Identify with it? Did you care about the writer and cheer for her? 

That’s what you want to happen with your own memoir; your story needs to capture the imagination of people you don’t know. How do you do that?

Write what your book is about. It might be easier to write a description in the third person instead of writing about yourself. Use several pages to write down all your ideas, then work toward narrowing it down to only a paragraph. When you understand what your book is really about, then you can imagine who your reader is and why that person will care about your story. Describe her needs and hopes. 

As you write your memoir you will re-read this exercise to help you stay on track. Your memoir is you personal story, but that story will have greater meaning for your readers. If you write something that doesn’t reflect what the book is about, cut. But don’t make things up! Readers want honesty. Vulnerability. Blood. 

Fiction is so much easier to write. 

Posted on in family, life

cancer 

My husband was diagnosed with cancer two months ago. From the moment he told me “I have cancer,” nothing that had happened before mattered. Not a single argument, moment of pain, or disappointment, had any power. All that mattered was that he get well.

And he did.

Last week he had surgery to remove the tumor. I sat beside his bed and held his hand, feeling how small and frightened he had become. My strong, Viking sized man held on to me as if his life depended on it. And I knew I would never let go. 

Love brings ammunition. We join together, set up our walls, dig our trenches, and then hurl bombs at each other without understanding what we’re doing. Everything we’ve been taught since childhood gets thrown on the battlefield; you have to watch for trip wires. The battle will continue until you learn that the person you love can never make you whole. Healing is your job.

My husband slowly heals. The cancer is gone, but his body is scarred. We are both holding our breath to see what happens now. 

The only thing I know is that I love him with all my heart. I will do my best for him, even if I don’t know what to do.