Tag: illness

Posted on in caregiving, health, life

Permission to Rest More

I slept this week. Every chance I got, I curled up under my warm blankets in my comfortable, old fashioned iron bed and willed myself to dream. Dishes piled up, laundry didn’t get done, and writing ceased. Instead, I snored.

After weeks of illness, the holidays, my daughter out of school and interacting with lots of people, my cold turned into a sinus infection. My doctor prescribed antibiotics and I reluctantly filled the prescription. But rather than taking one when I got home, I set the bottle of pills on my bedside table and took a nap. When I woke up, I asked, “What if I gave myself an entire week to sleep as much as I want? Will I get better on my own?” Deciding to find out, I set the meds aside. For one full week, I would drink tea and sleep.

Instantly I felt guilty. Shouldn’t I just take the meds and get better? I had a thousand things to do and a book to write and Christmas decorations all over my house. If I took antibiotics I’d probably be better in two days instead of a week. Giving a week to rest is an indulgence I couldn’t afford.

Or could I? My daughter went back to school, and although it’s true I work hard as her caregiver, there were several hours each day I could spend in bed. Besides, my body ached with fatigue and my lungs burned from coughing. My head pounded. Whether I wanted to accept it or not, I was sick and needed rest. Why not rest fully?

Grabbing my iPad, I climbed back into bed and watched Poirot Murder Mysteries on Netflix.

A funny thing happened over five days. Not only did my cough slowly improve and the pressure in my head subside, but my stress diminished. My cuticles healed because I wasn’t biting them so much. My eyes weren’t so dry from staring at a computer screen all day. When the phone rang, I didn’t jump and when my daughter needed me I had more patience. Not only did my body need rest to recover from illness, my body seemed to need rest to recover from 2015.

My head feels better now, but I might have an infection. I’ll give it time. From what I’ve read, antibiotics only cure sinus infections about half the time, so resting may be just as effective. But rather than killing off all the bacteria in my body and starting over, I gave my body a chance to kill bad bugs on its own. We’ll see if I still need antibiotics.

Rest is a luxury we can all use. I know I’m lucky to have the time; not everyone can ignore their work for a week. Realizing this, I don’t take rest for granted. It is a gift my daughter has given me. It’s challenging caring for a person with disabilities, but there are hidden gems in the work.

Next week I’ll jump back into my regular schedule of teaching, writing, running my press and managing the chaos. I’ll battle Social Security to make sure my girl has everything she needs. But right now, I’m going back to bed with a good book. Ahhhhh, heaven.

Posted on in family, Muses, writing

My Muse on Perspective

My muse has been very quiet lately. No waking me up at 4 AM with another brilliant idea. No poetry interruptions at work or demands that I skip eating to start yet another book. Instead, she’s been watching my daughter.

“Is she feeling better?” she asks.

“Yes. She can go back to school now.”

“Did the doctor uncover the cause?”

“No, not really. Just a progression in her condition.”

My muse nods. “It is very difficult to sit and be unable to help.”

“Tell me about it.”

Reaching out to me, she pulls me closer, careful not to turn me to stone but still offering comfort, something my muse rarely does. “You’re a good mother. Remember that. You were born with a gift for knowing what to do and how to do it. I see it in your work with others, and in your own writing. And I see it now as you care for your daughter. You must not forget that.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

My daughter has been very ill since March, but is thankfully improved and back in school. She has a mitochondrial disorder which can be scary and the future is unknown. Two months ago she had a serious set-back and had to be hospitalized. That stopped the presses around here; I just can’t get excited about writing when my child is sick.

“It reminds you of what matters most in life,” my muse says. “I’ve seen great artists come and go over the centuries, but nothing is more beautiful than the love between a parent and child. And nothing is more sacred.”

Then she smiles. “Now that your daughter is well again, shouldn’t you be getting back to work on your new play, and start that new book? And weren’t you going to create ebook versions?”

I laugh. Yes mistress muse.