Tag: life changes

Posted on in deaf, disabilities, family, life, parenting, special needs

Who will interpret?

I helped Rhia pack and then took she and her step-dad to the airport. One of his cousins was getting married, so the whole family was getting together. A big wedding celebration with all the cousins and extended family. Rhia would see her Gran and Gramps and aunts and uncles, first and second cousins and friends of the family. Everyone would be there… except me. I was invited, but between work and grad-school I needed to stay home and study. Plus, who would watch the dog? And really, I am now the “ex-wife.” They are kind people, but do I really need to show up at a family wedding?

This is the first time Rhia has gone on a trip without me and she is not happy! Who will help her communicate? Who knows Sign Language? Who will help her in the bathroom and wash her hair and get her dressed and eat dinner? She wanted details on how EXACTLY Rick would help. “Boys are hard to understand,” she complained. I tried to reassure her, but I too was worried. Since I’m the one who helps her communicate, who will do it if I’m not there?

I was hoping to have her iPad set up with the “Go Talk Now” app ready, but I didn’t have time. Plus, I discovered her iPad doesn’t have enough memory. I need to get her a new iPad, set up the device, learn “Go Talk Now”, program it, and then teach Rhia. I’m sure if I give up sleep I’ll have time to do that. But first I need to work and teach other kids and deal with lesson plans and IEPs for them, then do my homework for my own classes, and study for my math test… but no problem. I’ll master “Go Talk Now” at midnight!

If I don’t have time anymore to help my child, did I make the right decision moving here? If I am no longer available to help her communicate, is moving her closer to her doctors such a great thing? Here’s some great health care, but you won’t understand what’s happening because Mommy’s at work. Sorry kid.

I know it’s good for Rhia dn I to be more autonomous, but mommy-guilt is a big, ugly beast with five heads and poisonous teeth. The minute you think you’ve got it under control, two heads will wip around your shoulder and bite your jugular vein.

After I drove home from the airport, I pulled weeds in my yard and cried. I cried for my daughter who will try to figure out what’s happening surrounded by people who speak a language she doesn’t understand anymore. I cried for the end of my marriage that forced us to move. I cried because life has changed so much and I am exhausted but have to keep going. I cried because I’m rebuilding my daughter’s and my own life. I cried because I still love my ex-husband and his family, who are no longer mine.

I hope they are still Rhia’s.

Posted on in happiness, life, strength

Trying Trust

I am a worrier. I need to plan, organize and anticipate at least three possible outcomes for every scenario. So taking a leap of faith is as natural to me as jumping off a skyscraper because I think there might possibly be a rescue net somewhere down there. Never gonna happen.

Until now.

Three weeks ago, I was sitting with a friend sipping a glass of wine at her lovely home while trying to figure out what to do with my life. I was getting divorced, my intended job wasn’t returning my phone calls and getting my daughter the health care she needed felt impossible. I admitted I’d thought about moving back to the Bay Area but feared I couldn’t afford rent.

“My friend has a house for rent,” she said.

“I doubt I can afford it,” I answered.

“Want to see it just in case?”

I shrugged. Why not?

The next day she brought me to a lovely, Italian inspired house with white stucco walls and a red tile roof. Opening the door, she led me inside. My heart melted; it felt like home. The house glowed with sunshine and 1930’s charm. The halls were wide enough for Rhia’s wheelchair to glide through and the view of the bay inspired daydreaming. It was the perfect place to heal a broken heart.

That night, I made a deal with the universe: if my job refused to give me the hours I needed I would apply for the house. Two days later, my job refused. So the following weekend, I met the landlord. And just like that, I had rented a house on the San Francisco Peninsula. Then a few days later, I interviewed for my dream job and that afternoon they hired me. Two weeks later I started school for my second credential while also beginning the process of transferring all of Rhia’s care to a new county.

I don’t know how the transition will go; I don’t have all the information! The paperwork and phone calls and future meetings are overwhelming. But I have to trust that it will work out. Just as I trusted I could afford the house. I found a job that pays the bills, and not only that, it’s a job I love. I’ll be broke for a while, but in time, we’ll find our balance again. Together, Rhia and I can afford our dream house in the wealthy hills of Belmont. We can do it because the landlord is trusting us too.

Rick and I have decided to sell our current home in Ukiah. The new house has an attached studio apartment where he’ll live this winter. He’ll be nearby to help with Rhia and support her transition. She has spent most of her life in Ukiah; this is the house she grew up in and all of her friends are here. The support team the three of us developed over 20 years is here. Who will help Rhia in San Mateo? What kind of support team will be waiting for her in a city? Will her needs be met? Or will she struggle?

This entire transition requires more trust than I’ve thought possible.

This isn’t me! I need to verify and quantify and balance all the pros and cons before making a decision. Who is this woman leaping into the unknown and trusting she and her kid will land safely?

I don’t know, but I like her.